"I'm sorry, my toenails look like lacquered corn chips."

Hey, remember when I started this site?

Yeah, that was ten years ago. Here’s my first ever journal entry, in which I talk about fascinating topics such as digital cameras, high school reunions, and Homicide. I don’t know why the formatting is screwed up and frankly, at this point, I don’t care.

Back then, I had a sidebar where I posted links I found entertaining or amusing, and commented on them. Later that year, I spun that off into its own page, which I called a weblog. Who knew?

Happy birthday, Fresh Hell. Like a lot of oldsters, no one really pays attention to you any more. But ah, the memories. (Note: in case you want to relive the magic, not all of my archives made it through the eight million different content management software iterations, so it jumps around a bit.)

According to Variety, the Friday Night Lights renewal is not quite a done deal yet, but should be announced today. But mostly I had to post so that I could include this FREAKING AWESOME photo of (I assume) Billy and Mandy’s wedding. I mean, spoiler alert, but it’s not like you didn’t know they were getting married and that Tyra and Rigs would be in it, and that it would be awesome. Love this show.

The New York Times ran an oral history on ER, something EW already did, and this one is just as short and kind of unsatisfying, although there was some information that was new to me, especially about some of the later (meaning only eight years ago instead of fourteen) additions like Maura Tierney and Linda Cardellini. Plus, I can’t not read an oral history. I just dig that format for some reason.

A couple of things that stuck out — John Stamos claimed that, by the time he joined the show, he had never seen an episode before. BULLSHIT. It was the number one show in the country for many seasons. It got a lot of press. He works in the industry. It’s syndicated for Christ’s sake. I believe that he wasn’t a regular viewer, but had never seen an episode? Stamos, please.

Second, Noah Wyle says that he thought Carter was a Shakespearean character, a nobleman slumming it up amongst the dirty common man. That explains so much about how he chose to be.

And third, Clooney, pay Benrubi the sawbuck you owe him. Dude could use the cash. Those Parker Lewis Can’t Lose residuals aren’t paying the rent (although my favorite Benrubi role was as teen Dan on Roseanne, just because it was PERFECT casting. Opposite Sara Rue as teen Roseanne. Why do I remember that? I don’t know.)

Why is Sandy from Survivor talking about her “eraser nipples” in People? And why did I just read it? And why am I about to throw up? Look, I’m all about loving your body at any age, but I don’t need the details!

Justin Long and Ginnifer Goodwin are apparently dating. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but Ed fans will realize that this means Warren and Diane are together again, at last. Although, now that I think about it, I was always kind of rooting for Diane and Mark. Anyway, I miss that show, or at least the first two seasons or so. It kind of lost its way after that.

Wondering where the big February sweeps stunts were this year? Did you know that they moved sweeps to March? Well, they did! Make sure you don’t miss any big sweep events and download Your March 2009 TV Calendar.

PS I know I haven’t been updating as much here lately — friend me on Facebook (mention my blog in your request in case I don’t know your name) or follow my Twitter account if you want more frequent updates. But I will try to post here a bit when I find something really interesting.

No Eric Nies, You Were Not Almost Batman – Reality TV – Videogum

I wrote a Twitter about this the other day, but it bears repeating. Eric Nies claims that he was almost cast as Robin in the Val Kilmer Batman movie, but was told that he couldn’t have the role because he would outshine Kilmer on the screen. ERIC NIES! THE GRIND! The best part was the other people on the show listening to this bullshit with straight faces. Also, in an earlier episode, Nies revealed that the secret to his shiny hair is that he rinses it with his own urine. How could I make this up? I almost wish this show had more episodes just to see what dumb shit Nies is going to pop off about next.

Finally, the mystery of the Brody Jenner cutout with girl jeans is solved. As revealed on last night’s episode of Bromance, it was an elaborate hoax perpetrated on the show’s contestants. Thank GOD!

The New York Times is liveblogging Obama’s first day in the White House and even though it’s not a hotbed of activity while things are in transition, I still find it fascinating in a West Wing behind-the-scenes sort of way. The best tidbit is that his staff has to take an ETHICS class. Ethics! In the White House! It’s a brand new day!