Why is Sandy from Survivor talking about her “eraser nipples” in People? And why did I just read it? And why am I about to throw up? Look, I’m all about loving your body at any age, but I don’t need the details!

No Eric Nies, You Were Not Almost Batman – Reality TV – Videogum

I wrote a Twitter about this the other day, but it bears repeating. Eric Nies claims that he was almost cast as Robin in the Val Kilmer Batman movie, but was told that he couldn’t have the role because he would outshine Kilmer on the screen. ERIC NIES! THE GRIND! The best part was the other people on the show listening to this bullshit with straight faces. Also, in an earlier episode, Nies revealed that the secret to his shiny hair is that he rinses it with his own urine. How could I make this up? I almost wish this show had more episodes just to see what dumb shit Nies is going to pop off about next.

‘ll put it after the cut in case you really don’t want to know, but The Amazing Race 13 starts Sunday night and they’ve released a map showing all the pit stops and how far they will travel. I don’t mind this sort of spoiler because the only spoilers to me are who finishes first and last in each leg, and who wins overall. And I love maps. Click the map itself for a larger version. (more…)

So Spencer Pratt has decided that Heidi can’t go to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner on her own (although I wonder why she was invited in the first place) because A) he wasn’t invited too and B) it’s not A-Listy enough. Wow, unlike the other recent events Heidi and Spencer have attended (according to WireImage) like the “Hughes Vision presents Threads for Thoughts Viewing Party” and “Perez Hilton’s Quinceanera”. Everyone knows that the real reason he didn’t want her to go was because he wouldn’t be there to feed her the answers to reporters’ questions. Um, not that I’ve heard he does that or anything.

I was watching the Real World/Road Rules Challenge reunion special (which, if you haven’t, don’t bother) and it got to a point where I couldn’t understand what anyone was saying, because I’m old. So I turned on the captioning to try to figure it out and this is my reenactment of what was said:

Coral: What the [bleep] do you [bleep] think [bleep]?

Katie: And also, [bleep], I was [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]! How can you [bleep] say that?

Evelyn: But I…

Coral: You can’t say that! In that [bleep] interview, you [bleep] said that I was [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]!

Evelyn: Coral, you don’t even…

Coral: [BLEEP]! [Bleep] [bleep] [bleep]! [Bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] and sit the [bleep] down!

End scene.

The Mole will return to ABC this summer with a “simplified” format which makes me happy (The Mole!) and sad (simplified? And no Anderson Cooper?). But rewatching both season 2 (on Fox Reality) and Celebrity Mole season 1 (the one with Kathy Griffin) made me remember how much I enjoyed this show. I hated Ahmad Rashad, so I’m glad he’s not back, and I’m glad they’re not doing another celebrity edition, because if Kathy can’t participate, I’m not interested. But if we’re going to be deluged with reality shows until the strike ends, this isn’t a bad one to watch. It’s certainly a little more intellectually engaging than, say, American Gladiators (which I also watched — I’m not judging or anything, but it’s nice to mix it up).

For fans of The Mole, Fox Reality is showing a marathon of the second season on Saturday and Sunday. Check local listings! For those who hate reality shows because they emphasize moral depravity and inanity, this one’s different. No, it was actually almost classy.

Damn, they totally made it so that you don’t have to have watched any of the previous episodes (since I’m the only person who did) in order to enjoy this one. They did a total recap of the whole week. Here are my thoughts on the performances:

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I am the only person in America still watching this show, aren’t I?

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More Clash of the Choirs! I saw the ratings and apparently I am the only person watching this show. Hey, it’s this or the forty-seventh viewing of the episode of The Office that I have saved on my DVR to get me through the Strike. (more…)