VH1 Top 100 Videos Part 1
I was watching VH1′s Top 100 Videos of All Time, and I realized that I have some strong opinions about videos. And where do I go to vent my strong opinions? Here. So here I am.
Before I start, though, I should say this. What makes a top video? Should it be influential? Memorable? Helpful in interpreting the meaning of the song? Fun or interesting to watch? Or some combination thereof? If I were actually making this list from scratch, I would have to like make an Excel spreadsheet and assign scores for each of those categories, and then weight them, and then calculate the results. That sounds like a lot of work. I think I’ll just comment on the list that VH1 came up with on their own. They don’t really give any information on how they came up with these. I bet it didn’t involve an Excel spreadsheet though.
Here’s the thing — I’m probably going to end up telling a lot of personal stories about the videos. I didn’t actually see this entire special (yet — I’m sure VH1 will play it every hour on the hour, so I’ll see it all eventually) and see the reasons why they gave for each video. One thing that did crack me up was that for the really important videos, they would have rock critics comment. For the more fluffy videos, it would be people like Carmen Electra. Heh.
100. Beastie Boys – “(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party)”: Not a great video, but it was the breakthrough video for a group that went on to create some really, really great videos that I hope to see higher up on the list. What’s up with all the parenthesis in the song title, though?
99. Metallica – “One”: This was the one with the clips from that creepy movie — I think it was called Johnny, Get Your Gun. I guess this would get points in the “memorable” category, because while I’m not a big Metallica fan, I definitely remember this video. And frankly, we’re still so high on the list that I’ll allow about anything at this point.
98. John Mellencamp – “Jack and Diane”: Look, I like John Mellencamp. But I read somewhere that he’s somehow related to the head of VH1 and that’s why he’s on there so much. Exhibit A. Just because a video got played a lot back in the ’80s when there were about ten videos total doesn’t mean that it’s good. As a side note: Molly’s husband Andy is a big John Cougar fan. (And he was still John Cougar when he made this video, so I don’t know what’s up with the retroactive name change.) Molly went to visit Andy while he was a student at Indiana University, and he drove her around and took her to all the places shown in this video. Sidenote #2: I know a woman who used to babysit John Mellencamp when he was a kid. She said he was a hellion and used to climb out his bedroom window when he was supposed to be taking a nap.
97. Bon Jovi – “It’s My Life”: Wha? Why? Remember when I said that I would allow anything at this point? Yeah, not this.
96. ZZ Top – “Legs”: Sure. The red car, the long beards, the spinning guitars. You remember this one. It was Pretty Woman before Pretty Woman even existed. I remember being really jealous of the girl’s post-makeover outfit — it was like a two-tone sweatshirt top, a mini-skirt, ankle socks, and pumps. Aw, yeah.
95. Mariah Carey – “Honey”: I have to admit; I’m not even sure what video this is. I think it’s the one where she’s escaping on jet-skis. If it’s that one, okay.
94. U2 – “Where the Streets Have No Name”: Yes! I love this video. Limp Bizkit tried to pull the whole “we want to put on a free concert but the cops won’t let us” thing in one of their videos, but U2 did it first, and did it better.
93. USA for Africa – “We Are the World”: Admit it. You know all the words to this song. We sang it in chorus one time. Can you imagine something like this now? Getting all those superstars together in one room? And remember how there was a sign that said, “Check your egos at the door”? I actually think this should be higher.
92. Creed – “With Arms Wide Open”: Maybe I’m biased because I’m not a Creed fan, but I don’t see anything memorable, influential, or interesting about this video. I found it to be a bland video from a bland band. You are, of course, entitled to your own opinion.
91. Blondie – “Rapture”: Every Blondie video looks the same to me. Tight shots of Debbie Harry singing. The band playing along in some poorly lit studio. I really don’t remember this video. Sorry.
90. Britney Spears – “�Baby One More Time”: I would actually put this one a little higher in that it introduced Ms. Britney to the world. Plus, the whole schoolgirl uniform thing that the boys love. And the little pom-poms on her braids. I haven’t paid much attention to videos in the past five years or so, but I know this video. I remember being happy when I saw it because it revived (for me, anyway) the fine art of choreography in videos. It wasn’t just someone lip-synching their song — there were backup dancers, the likes of which hadn’t been seen since “Electric Youth”.
89. Paula Abdul – “Opposites Attract”: No, not the one with Arsenio Hall. The one with the cartoon cat. I don’t know if this one counts as influential, because I’m not entirely sure if it spawned a host of artist/cartoon character duets. But it was kind of cool at the time. Shut up. It was.
88. INXS- “Need You Tonight/Mediate”: Here was the coolest thing about this video. They didn’t play the “Mediate” part every time. So you would watch the whole “Need You Tonight” part, which was pretty cool in itself, just praying that they would play “Mediate” too. Genius. Yeah, it was a ripoff of “Subterranean Homesick Blues”, but what isn’t really?
87. Salt ‘n’ Pepa/En Vogue – “Whatta Man”: I guess this is supposed to be some sort of “girl power” thing. I liked this song at the time (except the “I think I wanna have your baby” part — that always bugged me). I just don’t know if the video qualifies as one of the greatest videos of all time. And if it does, I don’t know if it qualifies as better than those already listed.
86. Culture Club – “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me”: Culture Club, like Duran Duran, is one of those bands that are impossible for me to separate from their videos. Can you hear this song without thinking of Boy George? And remember how weird he seemed when this video came out? Like, he’s a guy. But he dresses kind of like a girl. Hey, I’m from a small town. And remember his sidekick “Marilyn”? What was up with him? I remember my mom was a big fan of Culture Club. Which seems weird to me now.
85. Ricky Martin – “Livin’ La Vida Loca”: I guess this is a great video in the sense of “spawned the Summer 1999 Ricky Martin Craze”. But it’s not a great video in and of itself. And really, didn’t his Grammy performance do more to spawn the craze?
84. Madonna – “Borderline”: I know there will be a lot of Madonna videos on the countdown, but this might be my favorite. I loved the sassy hat she wore, and how she spray-painted on that guy’s car, and then went and made out with her boyfriend on the roof. I still love this song.
83. Blind Melon – “No Rain”: The fucking bee girl. Okay, I’ll give it to them. This video is definitely memorable, and probably influential in terms of the super saturated colors and stuff. Without the video, I don’t know if the song would have been THE song of like 1993. Or so. I might be off by a year.
82. Talking Heads – “Burning Down the House”: I won’t argue with any Talking Heads video being on here. Funny story about this song and video. When I was in sixth grade, I went to a slumber party. Where we watched Carrie. Which was totally inappropriate, and scared the crap out of me. So, the next night, I’m trying to sleep with all the lights on, and convince myself that Carrie wasn’t in my closet, and this song came on the radio. I thought it was a sign from God that Carrie was going to burn my house down. I was an imaginative child.
81. Prince – “1999″: Now that it’s 2001, I don’t hate this song as much as I did two years ago. Remember the guy with the red leather jacket and headband? And the keyboard player who dressed up like a doctor? Prince is fucking weird, man.
80. Dr. Dre – “Nothin’ but a ‘G’ Thang”: I have to say, I’m not very familiar with this video. I know the song, but I don’t know the video. Pass.
79. The Buggles – “Video Killed the Radio Star”: I would think this would be higher, given that it was the first video ever played on MTV, and thus the beginning of the MTV era. I guess they recognized that it’s really not that great of a video.
78. Fatboy Slim – “Praise You”: Ah, Spike Jonze. He so crazy.
77. Shania Twain – “That Don’t Impress Me Much”: I have no idea.
76. The Cars – “You Might Think”: This video creeped me the fuck out. They were in Paulina’s bathtub! And on her soap! And then Ric Ocasek was a fly or something. Creepy. At the time, it was cutting edge, though.
75. Bruce Springsteen – “Dancing in the Dark”: This would not be on the list if it weren’t for Courteney Cox. I mean, come on. It’s just a Bruce concert video, basically. Nothing that interesting.
74. Lauryn Hill – “Doo Wop (That Thing)”: Sure, this is a cool video. There’s that whole split-screen thing going on. Do you notice I don’t have much to say about the more recent videos? It’s because I don’t spend hours watching videos like I used to when I was 12.
73. Pat Benatar – “Love Is a Battlefield”: “We are young! (You leave this house now…) Heartache to heartache we stand (and don’t ever come back!) No promises, no demands (You hear me?) Both of us knowing…love is a battlefield.” This was influential in the “girl runs away from home and becomes a prostitute and then leads a dance uprising against her pimp” genre. Plus, the hair! And the outfits!
72. Janet Jackson – “Love Will Never Do (Without You)”: This was the video where everyone went, “Holy shit! Did Janet get lipo or what?” Suddenly, she was all hot. Before this video, everyone knew Janet as a good dancer, but not sexy, really. For this one, Janet shed the huge shoulder padded jackets and nuzzled Antonio Sabato, Jr. (who will always be Jagger to me). Sexy video.
71. Sir Mix-a-Lot – “Baby Got Back”: I guess this was memorable. Not many videos have a giant ass in them. I’m sure there’s a Creed joke there somewhere.
70. Devo- “Whip It”: You know, as a kid, I didn’t think this video was that weird. And then I saw it recently and went, “The fuck?” So bizarre that I can’t really believe it made it on television.
69. Red Hot Chili Peppers- “Give It Away”: Sometimes I think that if Weird Al parodied it, it automatically gets on the list. I guess this video was influential in terms of the look. And interesting. Can you tell I’m not a big fan on this video? I liked “Under the Bridge” better, mostly for the shirtless Anthony Kiedis running part.
68. Eurythmics – “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)”: I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal now, but when this video came out, people were like, “What is that? Is that a man? A woman? What’s going on there, exactly?” Annie Lennox was kind of the female equivalent of Boy George.
67. Brian McKnight – “Back at One”: I have no idea. I’ve never seen this video.
66. Alanis Morissette – “Thank U”: And this is on here, why? Because Alanis was naked? Not her best song and not her best video. I would say that either “Ironic” or “You Oughtta Know” should be ahead of this one. Maybe they are! I haven’t peeked ahead.
65. Talking Heads – “Once in a Lifetime”: See above re: Talking Heads. If I’m not mistaken, this was the big suit video.
64. Faith No More – “Epic”: This is a great song and a great video. Come on, you know it is. Faith No More were doing rap/rock fusion while Fred Durst was still in diapers. And the dying fish at the end? So cool.
63. Fiona Apple – “Criminal”: This one gets an award in the kiddie porn category. This video makes me feel dirty. And not in a good way. I can see why it’s on here (though I wouldn’t put it this high), but it makes me feel dirty. Also, now, the song reminds me of Jerri from Survivor, which isn’t helping.
62. Genesis – “Land of Confusion”: Remember those fifteen minutes in like, 1985 when Genesis was cool? While “That’s All” is a better song, this video had those puppets. Remember at the end when Ronald Reagan accidentally pressed the button? You know you do.
61. Madonna – “Like a Virgin”: While this wasn’t Madonna’s first video, it was definitely her breakthrough video. I never got much out of it, since I don’t like chicks that way. What was up with the lion?
60. Duran Duran – “Rio”: I think this was the one with the scantily clad women, and water. Oh, that was every Duran Duran video? Right.
59. MC Hammer – “U Can�t Touch This”: Similar to Paula Abdul, MC Hammer is one of those things I look back and can’t believe was popular. Like, I had the pants and shit. And I knew every word to this song. This was really popular my senior year in high school. And then he followed it up with “2 Legit 2 Quit”. Heh.
58. Guns N’ Roses – “Welcome to the Jungle”: Ah. Gather ’round and let me tell you about a time when Guns N’ Roses was the coolest band in the world. When no self-respecting teen would go cruising around town without a tape of “Appetite for Destruction”. When people would have huge debates at parties over whether “I Used To Love Her” was about Axl’s dog or his girlfriend. Maybe it makes me a geek, but I still think this is a great fucking song.
57. Beck – “Loser”: Someone’s trying to win some indie cred with this one, because I don’t even remember this video. And this came out when I was in college, when I had ample free time to spend hours watching videos.
56. Sinead O�Connor – “Nothing Compares 2 U”: This video is like a three-minute close-up on Sinead’s face. And yet just try not to watch it. I remember when it first came out, and two of my guy friends were watching it for the first time, and they both got choked up when she sheds that single tear near the end. That’s a compelling video. Plus, it’s a great song. I would put this higher, I think.
55. Billy Idol – “White Wedding”: This wasn’t the one with the zombies, right? Oh, it was the one with the hammer pounding spikes in time to the song. I used to get this one and “Jeopardy” by Greg Kihn confused because both deal with horrible weddings.
54. Madonna – “Material Girl”: Sure. You aren’t going to get many arguments with me on any Madonna video. Madonna is the video queen. I still kind of want the dress she wore in this video.
53. Don Henley – “Boys of Summer”: I don’t remember this video much. I’m thinking Don Henley driving a car. I’m thinking it’s in black and white. I’m thinking he’s wearing sunglasses. Maybe I’m confusing the lyrics of the song with the video. Maybe not.
52. Lenny Kravitz – “Are You Gonna Go My Way”: This was THE song of the summer of 1993. I remember my friends and I driving to get ice cream, in two cars, and this song came on the radio, and we all cranked it and stuck our arms out the windows and thumped the roof of the car in time to the song. Good times. The video was pretty cool with that whole “Lenny Inside A Dome” kind of thing.
51. Van Halen – “Hot for Teacher”: “Heard you missed me, I’m baaack. I brought my pencil. Give me something to write on, man.” Super cool video. The mini-members of Van Halen. The Eddie guitar-solo-while-sliding-along-on-his-knees. The not very well choreographed dancing in front of the curtain. I think I would put this higher, too.