December 14, 2000

One year ago: I post a picture of my cousin's baby (and I have some newer ones that I should post at some point) and claim he looks like me. I met him in person last Christmas and he looks nothing like me. Oh well.

So, welcome to the special end-of-the-year edition of Fresh Hell. Okay, so it's not quite the end of the year. I'm jumping the gun a bit. But I got a new printer, which also has a scanner, so I've been scanning in old pictures. And I thought I would use them to provide you with a retrospective of my life. The thing is, it's not a very good scanner (because it's also a printer/fax/copier), but I fixed up the pictures in Photoshop the best I could. So, here we go. Click on the little picture to see a larger version. And make sure to click on "Next page" in the bottom right corner.

March, 1976: I was three and a half in this picture. Every year on my birthday, my Aunt Joyce stuffs a bunch of old pictures in my birthday card, and this is one that I got this year. I don't know what my mom was doing with my hair at this point. And could my head be any fatter? Some things never change. Also not sure about the basket I'm holding. Why do kids' photos always include cheesy props? Is it to keep the kid focused? I have no idea. Anyway, when I was this age (and not wearing a dress), people often thought that I was a boy.

1979:I believe this was in the summer (note the sundress!) so I'm guessing that I was 6, but almost 7 in this picture. My brother was 10. We like to call this one the "Bucky Beaver" shot, because it was clearly before we both got braces. Look at those teeth! We look like a couple of chipmunks! This picture was on top of my parents' television for the longest time, until it was finally replaced by our high school senior pictures, and then our college senior pictures. Thank God. Also, I should have learned from this incident that I can't pull off short hair. As you will see, that's a mistake I would repeat.

Fall, 1984: Ugh. You know how everyone has that moment in their lives where you have just hit puberty and your skin is a mess, and your hair is a mess, and you are trying so hard to be stylish, but your mom still picks out your clothes at JC Penney. Yeah, that's this picture. 7th Grade. Acne. Oily hair. Braces. The worst I think I have ever looked in my life. And I'm sharing it all with you. It seriously pains me to look at this picture. After this, I didn't wear turtlenecks for like ten years because I thought THAT was the problem. Yeah, it definitely wasn't me. It was the clothes.

Halloween, 1991: Sophomore year of college. That's me on the left, Ter in the middle and Pam on the right. Right before sophomore year, I cut my hair. As mentioned earlier, I cannot pull off short hair. And yet, I didn't learn. What was I thinking with this haircut? What was Terry thinking with the green underwear. The funny thing is that this picture was taken in Mary's apartment, yet Mary and Terry won't going out yet, and I barely knew her. Who knew that 8 years later, we would be such great friends? It probably should be mentioned that I was really drunk when this picture was taken.

February, 1992: I'm estimating this one, but it could have actually been after the next picture. Anyway, that's me and Molly at St. Bonaventure. I went down to visit Molly over some break. Molly has stick straight hair, and she had gotten a spiral perm (remember those?) and I don't think her hair has yet recovered. The saddest thing to me in looking at these pictures is how fat I thought I was, and how much I covered up my body. I was twenty years old and I was wearing a tunic? Jesus, Reed, show some skin! I look like a nun or something. And that purple crystal necklace. What is that about?

Spring, 1992: This was the Screw Your Roommate Dance my sophomore year. Did you all have those? Basically, you set your roommate and/or friends up with someone, and the two people don't know who they are going with. I got set up with this guy Jay, who had dated my friend Pam for like a week, but he had a "girlfriend from home", so it didn't work out. Well, he still wanted to date them both, and Pam was having none of it. So we got set up. And I fell for him. Looking at the picture, you're probably like, "Why?" I don't know. I thought he was romantic or something. I wasted so much time on him. He had no interest in me. Well, he liked me having a crush on him, but he wasn't interested in anything more. So he would ignore me until I started ignoring him, then he would write me a letter telling me how special I was. You know the type. Anyway, I thought that dress was so hot. Too bad my bra is showing. Sexy. Oh, what happened to Jay? He's married with a kid and lives in Canton, NY. I think he's a high school teacher.

Summer, 1992: Again, this is an estimate, based on the hair and that necklace. I remember that I thought bead necklaces were the coolest and spent a lot of time making them that summer. I was at a party, and Scott Blamphin was there (you may remember seeing his picture in my entry about Brenda's wedding). We decided to go to Molly's house and pick her up for the party, where she snapped this picture. I was eating salt and vinegar potato chips. You can see one in my hand. I remember that so clearly, and I remember where the party was, but I can't remember if Molly ended up going or what happened. I think she did.

Summer, 1993: This was the summer I lived up at LeMoyne instead of going home, and worked at the library. And lost like 25 pounds in 2 months, because I was too poor to buy much food. Best diet ever. I might be able to fit one leg in those shorts now. Anway, the picture is Randy, Stimp (doing a Kramer impersonation), me and Ter. The quality of this picture is terrible, but it's the skinniest I've ever been in my life, so I had to include it. That is the summer I really became good friends with those guys (well, Ter and I were already friends, but the rest of them). It was so much fun.

Summer, 1993: I think this was Labor Day weekend. It's a party at Molly's parents' house. It might actually be later than that. Anyway, it was the first time I smoked in front of my friends. I had been smoking since my freshman year of college, but for some reason I thought I needed to hide it from my friends at home. I still don't know why. Anyway, once Gretchen started smoking, I busted out too, but I pretended it was only because I was drinking. And Molly took this picture of Gretchen and me. Also note: still thin. Wearing bodysuit.

May, 1994: This is the Brave Utensils, Ter and Stimp's college band. They played at a picnic we had for Senior Week, the week before we graduated from college. I really miss the Brave Utensils sometimes. Not because they were a particularly good band, but because their shows were always so much fun. I remember after one of their first shows, the next day I could barely move my head from all the head banging. I'm such a rebel. P.S. Check out Terry's bowl cut.

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