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ictures of the weekend are here

I decided to write a new journal entry about someone else's wedding. Just to further piss off the people who've been writing, "Hello! When are you going to write about your damn wedding!" Because there's nothing I love more than alienating readers. Just kidding. I seriously do still intend to write something about my own wedding but I need to get over my non-updating streak somehow, and this is it.

So I went to a wedding this weekend. Three of my cousins are getting married this year, and this was the first. My cousin Josh, who is probably the cousin I am closest too, or at least hung out with most with in high school, married an incredibly cool woman named Jess. They live in Rhode Island. Here is the story.

Jim and I packed Baxter off to Mary and Terry's house for the weekend (God bless them for providing dog sitting services) and headed out of town on Friday morning. Things went smoothly as we headed east out of New York State and into Massachusetts. Jim had loaded up his MP3 player with all my favorite songs, because he's a great husband. He even sang backups for me on Aretha's "Do Right Woman, Do Right Man" and we did duets on "If I Had A Million Dollars" and "I'll Never Tell" from the Buffy soundtrack. Then we got to Worcester, where we had to exit the Mass Pike and head south.

I'm still not sure exactly where things went wrong. I think part of it was that Massachusetts doesn't have the best road signage, and there was a ton of traffic. So when we were getting off the Pike, there were four lanes, but as we came around a curve and could actually see the toll booths ahead, we realized that we had to be in one of the left two lanes since we didn't have EZPass or whatever it's called. Problem was, the left two lanes were backed way up by locals who knew before the curve that they had to be in those lanes. And they were NOT going to let us in, no matter how many apologetic faces and shoulder shrugs I gave them to let them know that we were not the type of assholes who zoom up to the front of the line on a regular basis and then expect to cut in. That's difficult to convey with facial expressions and shoulder shrugs. Perhaps I should have written out a little sign. One guy, in particular, rolled down the window of his car and started yelling at us! And I was all, "Shut up, Doug from On Golden Pond in your Turbo Saab!" And Jim added, "Being driven by your mom!" Our window wasn't down, so he didn't hear us, but we felt better. We finally got through the toll booths, but then there was another instance of suddenly needing to be in a different lane, and there was too much traffic to just cut over, so we ended up going the wrong way. We eventually turned around and came back, but couldn't make the entrance we needed due to a divided highway. We came up to a light and I was like, "Bang a U-ie!" Jim pointed out the sign that said, "No U-Turns" and I was all, "I don't care! I'm a scofflaw! Do it!" So he did it, and it was truly impressive, because I think the reason for the sign was that the road wasn't really wide enough, and yet somehow Jim did it anyway, and we don't even have power steering! I was cheering like a maniac as we sped off, finally going the right direction.

We entered Rhode Island and traffic pretty much stopped. According to our directions, we needed to take Exit 1 to get to the Seekonk Ramada. (Hee! Seekonk!) But Exit 1 was in Providence, and they only went up from there. The hell? So Exit 7 said Seekonk, and I thought maybe that was our exit, because 7 and 1 kind of look alike. Yes, that was my amazing theory. It turns out that the road goes up to Exit 8 and then you cross back into Massachusetts and it resets to Exit 1. Who knew? Nearly every person we talked to at the wedding made the same mistake we did. Except for the guy who told his wife, "It says Exit 1 so we are going to stay on this road until we see Exit 1." He should go on The Amazing Race. So we got off, and it was totally wrong. We ended up sort of near our hotel, and I used the map to figure it out, and we made it to the hotel anyway. But not before pretending we were on The Amazing Race for a while, where I would mock-cry and throw the map at Jim and yell, "I can't read it! You do it!" and he would swear at me and yell back. It's really fun. I suggest you try it on your next road trip. As we pulled into the hotel, Jim yelled, "I hate Josh's wedding! And I hate Rhode Island!" Hee!

We checked into the hotel and Jess and Josh had provided little sand buckets filled with goodies and info about the area. So thoughtful! My parents wandered into the lobby so we hung out with them for a while and then got changed and rode with them to the rehearsal dinner, which was at an inn right near the water. It was great to see everyone in my family! Every single adult made it to the wedding, and it's the first time we've all been together in a long time, so that was nice. Max, my nephew, was really entranced by all the boats on the water and kept wanting to go out there and see them. The dinner was great. The funniest part happened when dessert was served. My dad was obsessed with what everyone had for dessert. He got carrot cake. Jim got some sort of chocolate Heath bar cake. My dad was seated on an aisle and every person that walked by, he asked what kind of dessert they got. He took a survey of everyone at our table, and we were seated with some of Jess's friends, who probably thought my dad was insane. I got up and told my aunt about my dad's crazy behavior (he was even making it into a competition, where Heath Bar was beating carrot) and not two minutes later, my dad walked over and asked my aunt what kind of dessert she got. She said she couldn't stop laughing at him. The other thing my dad does that cracked me up is that any time he talked to another adult male, he had to discuss routes and directions. Every time I looked over, he was talking about exits and route numbers. He's such a dad. That night, we hung out in the bar with my parents and their friends, and there was karaoke. None of us participated, but we did enjoy making fun of the people who did. I kept telling my mom that this one guy (who looked like Kurt Vonnegut) was her boyfriend.

While all this was going on, there was much drama surrounding the reception. Jess's parents were holding the reception at their home, as they live on a big farm. They had put up a tent and done a lot of landscaping improvements over the past year. Rhode Island got a lot of rain last week, and the yard flooded. Jess's mom said she got up at 4 AM Friday (couldn't sleep due to nerves) and went outside and the water was up to her knees. She called Jess and suggested that they consider moving the reception to the Rod and Gun Club down the road. Jess replied, "Mom, I'm not getting married at the gun club. I'll be over shortly." So Jess's dad went to Home Depot and bought something like 160 sheets of plywood and the bridal party spent the whole day Friday building a floor for the tent. You heard me. They built a floor. Amazing.

The next day was the wedding. The weather was still kind of crappy, so outdoor activities were kind of out. We decided (after partaking of the free hotel breakfast) to make a dry run to the wedding and reception sites, so we knew where we were going. My parents, grandmother, and Jim and I got in the van and headed out. We got a little lost on the way to the reception site, but that was because we were using outdated directions. We eventually figured it out and all was well. We went back to the hotel and a bunch of people were gathered outside talking to my friend Brenda's brother and his wife, who live in Rhode Island now. They had stopped by to see everyone. We chatted for a while and then I went back to our room to get ready. After a shower and a stop at my brother's room to get some baby powder, we were ready to go to the wedding. We left super-early because my dad was driving and he needs to be everyplace an hour ahead of time. We were there before the officiants even. But it was a beautiful location, so I really didn't mind. We took our seats. There were rocks on each chair, because we did this thing at the end of the ceremony where we all walked down to the water and threw in the rocks, and each ripple we created represented one year of happiness for the newlyweds. My nephew was totally digging the rocks, which was good, since we had a long time to wait. He was incredibly well behaved during the ceremony, I have to say. He was looking at his little farm book and saying, "Coooooow!" and "Laaaaamb!" and pointing at my grandma and saying, "Naaaaaan!" But no crying or screaming or temper tantrums, which was nice. Not that he's constantly crying and screaming and throwing temper tantrums but, you know, he's eighteen months old and that's what kids generally do when it's hot and they're bored. So the ceremony happened, and it was really beautiful and moving. Afterwards, Jess's parents provided some trays of fruits and cheese and crackers and beverages, which was really nice, especially because it was really hot and humid.

Then we headed to the reception. Jess and her mom put so much work into it, and it was just beautiful. Each table was named after a location that is special to the couple, and had a sailboat place card. On the sail, they wrote a little story about their history, like the story of Josh's birth, told by his mother. And then there was a beautiful centerpiece of flowers from Jess's mom's garden, planted in a tin bucket, and the bucket was surrounded by sand with seashells in it. There were little touches like that all over the place. Instead of a big tub full of soda and water, they had a rowboat filled with ice and beverages. Things like that. Having planned a wedding myself a year ago, I know how much work that had to be, and how much time and creativity went into it. I was really impressed. And everything went so smoothly despite the inclement weather. There were a few sprinkles during the ceremony, but then the sun came out and it stayed clear for the rest of the night. One high point of the reception was during the mother/son dance. Pretty much every member of my family is a rabid Yankees fan. And somehow, when Josh moved to Boston, he became a Red Sox fan. It's like he embraced the dark side. So my Aunt Mo (Josh's mom) donned a Yankee cap and their dance song was "New York, New York". While they were dancing, all of my family members surreptitiously donned Yankee hats provided by my cousin, and then we all stood up and cheered when Josh looked over. It sounds dumb, but it was funny at the time. Especially because my Aunt Maureen was swanning around the dance floor and doing kicks and otherwise cracking me up. So I danced and ate and had a good time, as you do.

We got back to the hotel and I was so ready for bed. Except there was this weird high-pitched noise that sounded like my ears were ringing, except that Jim could hear it too. It kind of sounded like a smoke detector, but then it would just kind of peter out, so we weren't really worried. But it didn't make sleeping very easy. And then the people next door (not relatives) came home and were yelling and talking. This was about 12:30 AM. And then the door slamming began. I don't know what the hell was going on, but they just kept slamming their door. For two hours. About every five minutes. After the second hour, at 3 AM, I got up and started to go out in the hall to tell them to cut the crap, but it was dark and the deadbolt was on the door, so I couldn't open it. So I tried to unlock it, but still couldn't open it. It took my five tries to get the door open. Okay, I might have still been a little drunk. By the time I got out there, the people were nowhere to be seen. So I called the front desk, and the girl told me she couldn't do anything unless she saw it herself. In the two minutes I was on the phone with her, there were two door slams. Sigh. So they finally went to bed and we got to sleep around 3:30 or 4. Normally, getting so little sleep wouldn't be a problem for me but I think with all of the travel and excitement (and possibly the drinking) I was exhausted. I woke up around 8:30 and decided to go get breakfast. We were supposed to drive over and see my cousin's house around 9:30 with my parents. I told Jim to stay in the room and catch a few more hours of sleep, since he had to do all of the driving later that day and could probably give two craps about my cousin's house. I was really tempted to slam our door on the way out of the room, but I felt bad for the other people on the hallway.

I went down to my parents' room and found my mom, my brother, my sister-in-law and my nephew hanging out. My mom was feeling a little under the weather due to excessive Labatts intake. So I hung out there until my dad got back from church and then we went to see my cousin's house. It was really amazing when I saw the before pictures and all of the work they have done. In one room alone, there were two layers of wallpaper, then paneling, and then three more layers of wallpaper, and they removed it all. Incredible. After getting the grand tour, we went back to the hotel. I helped my dad pack up his van since my mom was sick and my grandma was, well, my grandma and doesn't need to be carrying stuff around. I said goodbye to my parents and went back in to get Jim. Actually, I think my mom came with me to use our bathroom since they had already checked out, so she got to say goodbye to Jim as well. We packed up and checked out, and hit the road.

The traffic was much lighter heading out on a Sunday morning than it was coming in on Friday night. Go figure! We joined the rest of Jim's family at Jim's sister's camp in Ware, Massachusetts where I promptly collapsed from exhaustion. Everyone was at the beach, so I took advantage of the quiet to take a nap. Then I got up for about two hours, and then I went back to bed. I was just feeling tired and kind of overwhelmed and didn't want to talk to anyone. I hope Jim's family doesn't think I'm a jerk. Anyway, the next day I felt tons better and gleefully participated in all family activities, including the fishing contest (I was official time-keeper), the annual ladies' day out in Northampton, and trying to instigate trouble by making each sibling say which other sibling is their favorite. Hee! That was fun. Jim also got to try sailing for the first time and he totally loved it. He wants to buy a sailboat even though we don't live anywhere near enough to a body of water to make that practical. I went kayaking and I'm kind of a pro at it. On a super calm lake. I don't think I would be quite so good in rapids and such, and I didn't wear the little apron, so if I tipped over, I would just fall out. That was fun.

And then it was Tuesday, and we left. It was nice to get home and it was nice to see the kittens and Baxter. I'm told Baxter lived the life of luxury while we were gone because Mary and Terry let him sleep in their bed. Well, I don't know that Baxter gave them much choice, but he had better not get any funny ideas. We don't let him sleep in our bed because there are usually one or two cats in there, under the blankets, and we're afraid he would crush or smother them. Also, Baxter apparently pooped in their house. Oops. Mary was a good sport about it though. So that was our vacation! The next wedding is September 6th, so stay tuned for another wedding report. I'm out.