I should have mentioned this yesterday, when I did the first part, but if you've never seen a particular video, or you need a refresher, the VH1 website has a list of all the videos, with 30-second clips of each one, which is actually pretty awesome.
With all apologies to Casey Kasem, "and now, on with the countdown."
50. Bjork - "It's Oh So Quiet": Did Spike Jonze direct this? I think he did. I've only seen it maybe twice, but I remember it being great in that "What the hell was that?" kind of way.
49. Cher - "Turn Back Time": Memorable? Sure. Who wouldn't remember Cher, nearly naked, with the tattoos, and sitting on that big gun while the sailors cheered? And then there was the part where you felt really bad for her son, who was playing guitar, because his mom's ass was showing. That had to be embarrassing. Of course his name is Elijah Blue, so I guess he's used to it. Why do I know so much about Cher, anyway?
48. Aerosmith - "Janie's Got a Gun": Remember when Aerosmith got all serious and topical? What was that about? Can I tell you that I saw this video about a hundred times before I understood what happened? I'm kind of slow.
47. Jane’s Addiction - "Been Caught Stealing": I love this song. I love this video. I don't know why. It's not like they went with any deep concept. It's basically various people stealing shit. Like the song says.
46. Twisted Sister - "We’re Not Gonna Take It": There was a time in my life when I could recite the entire Niedermeyer monologue from this video. "What's this? A Twisted Sister pin? On your uniform?" And then the kid goes, "I wanna rock!" and Twisted Sister shows up and beats the crap out of Niedermeyer. Seriously. How much did Dee Snyder look like a Muppet, though? I actually saw this part of the countdown show, and they were reviewing how Dee Snyder testified in front of Congress as part of that whole Tipper Gore/PMRC thing. Isn't it weird to think that not that long ago, this song was considered dangerous for kids? Because it encouraged them to question authority or something? Boy, times sure have changed. This is so tame in comparison to most of the songs out today.
45. Cyndi Lauper - "Girls Just Want to Have Fun": Captain Lou Albano. The bouncing ball of girls having fun during the whatever the hell instrument that was solo. Like Boy George, back in the day, Cyndi was considered weird because her hair was more than one color and she shaved one side of her head. I'm so old. I dressed up like Cyndi Lauper for Halloween one year. I made this skirt out of a lampshade and some newspaper. Yeah, don't ask.
44. D’Angelo - "Untitled": A.K.A. Doesn't D'Angelo have a really nice body? If there's more to this video, I don't want to know.
43. Tom Petty - "Don’t Come Around Here No More": This was that whole nutty Alice in Wonderland thing. Tom Petty used to scare me. Since "Free Fallin'," I've gotten over it. But he scared me in this video.
42. DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince - "Parents Just Don’t Understand": I much prefer "Summertime" in the Fresh Prince catalog, but this video seemed funny at the time. And come on. Don't pretend you don't know the words. "Okay. Here's the situation. My parents went away on a week's vacation and... they left the keys to the brand new Porsche. Would they mind? Hmm, well, of course not." I could go on. But I won't.
41. David Lee Roth - "California Girls": Not really sure why this video is on here. I mean, yeah, they played it a lot. And it had that whole "Further Adventures of Waldo" thing that was a continuation of "Hot For Teacher" in some ways. But was it a great video? I remember thinking I was really cool because I could pick out the Dave double at the end, when he's walking away holding the flag while the real Dave comes into frame and sings. They weren't fooling me. No, sir.
40. Madonna - "Ray of Light": It's hard to have perspective on a video this recent. It was definitely influential, although knowing Madonna, she probably saw the technique somewhere else and appropriated it for her own purposes. Hey, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. It's what Madonna does best. Plus, it was a comeback for her of sorts after all those serious "Take A Bow" and "This Used To Be My Playground" type videos, when we all thought she had gone all Sophie B. Hawkins.
Sidebar: I was driving to the store today and I was singing along at the top of my lungs to "Crazy For You", and wondering why no movie-related videos made it into the countdown. I mean, where is "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins? Or "Don't You Forget About Me" by Simple Minds. I guess if the video was pretty much just created to sell the movie soundtrack, it didn't get considered. But "Footloose" is definitely a memorable video, and I think it was influential too, in that it was one of the first videos I remember to feature so much footage from the movie. Hey, did you know that Patrick Swayze was Kevin Bacon's dance double in that movie? I heard that somewhere. I don't know if it's true, though. It could be. Maybe he was Emilio Estevez' dance double in Breakfast Club. Maybe both. Anyway, back to the countdown.
39. Godley & Creme - "Cry": I know. You're like, "What?" But I saw this part of the show, too, and this was the first video to use morphing -- way back before the next video on the countdown did it so famously. So, whatever. I don't think I had ever seen it before. I don't know that it deserves to be this high, but you know they just wanted it to be next to...
38. Michael Jackson- "Black or White": Not that great of a video. But consider this: it premiered simultaneously on three networks, one of which was Fox. Can you imagine an artist today who has that kind of clout? Maybe Britney Spears. Maybe. I mean, MTV barely does World Premiere Videos anymore -- they usually just stick them in during TRL. So that's a testament to Michael Jackson's star power at the time. I actually remember when this premiered. I was all, "Why is Norm in the video?" And then there was the scary ending with Michael fondling himself and breaking car windows and turning into a panther. Which was later excised from the video because it was too controversial. This was all pre-child molestation charges, of course.
37. Janet Jackson - "Rhythm Nation": I hope there is more Janet on this countdown. I think "Pleasure Principle" was a great video. She did that thing with the chair that everyone in my high school used to try to do during study hall. My friend Bola had the Rhythm Nation 1814 video, and I totally wanted to borrow it so I could learn all of the dance routines. I actually used to know the whole intro dance to "Nasty" at one point -- right up until the standing back tuck. Which I couldn't do. But then again, I doubt Janet did either. Anyway, yes. Janet Jackson deserves to be this high on the countdown.
36. Billy Joel - "We Didn't Start the Fire": To watch this video now is pretty annoying. I don't even think it's the best Billy Joel video -- I would say that's "Uptown Girl" or possibly even "Tell Her About It". My history teacher senior year had some teaching kit that the record label sent out featuring a tape of this song and a poster with all the lyrics. I guess we were supposed to discuss the historical significance of "Joe McCarty, Richard Nixon, Studebakers, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe." But instead, she would play the tape and sing along and use her pointer to follow along with the lyrics. We used to make her do it like once a week. Hey, we were seniors. Anything to get out of doing actual work. We also used to watch the SNL 25th Anniversary Special about once a week. I'm not sure how that happened. No wonder I don't know anything about economics.
35. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Californication": Awesome concept for a video -- turning the band members into characters in a video game. I can't believe no one else thought of it first. The only thing is, after seeing the video once, I really had no desire to see it again. It was like, "Great idea! Okay, I'm done." Maybe it's just me.
34. Michael Jackson - "Billie Jean": As with Madonna and Talking Heads, you won't find much argument from me for any Michael Jackson videos, especially those from Thriller. I used to watch MTV for hours just waiting for a Michael Jackson video to come on. Remember how the sidewalk lit up when he walked, and it wasn't exactly synched with the dancing, so it was always a little off somehow? Ah, the days before computers generated images. I never really understood this song until about three years later. Also, this is the song he sang at that Motown 25th Anniversary special with the hat and the white glove that was really the beginning of the whole Michael Jackson phenomenon. Have I mentioned that the first concert I ever went to was the Jacksons Victory Tour? Wait, where are you going? Come back!
33. The Police - "Every Breath You Take": I was just thinking to myself, "Where are The Police?" The band, not the law enforcement officials. But I would have picked "King of Pain" over this one. With all the candles. That's the one everyone remembers.
32. Metallica - "Enter Sandman": Maybe it's because I never watched "Headbanger's Ball" (much), but I really don't remember this video. I know it would have given me nightmares if I had. It's fucking creepy.
31. Duran Duran - "Hungry Like the Wolf": See yesterday's comments re: Duran Duran. Girls. Water. Got it. This one does have that cool "Simon LeBon rising out of the water a la Apocalypse Now" thing. Except I didn't get the reference at the time. Because I was like ten years old.
30. Robert Palmer - "Addicted to Love": Did you ever notice that the girl playing keyboards is not only ugly, but can't dance? I think it was a man in drag. Next time you see the video, check it out. These are the things you notice when you watch MTV for hours at a time waiting for a Michael Jackson video. Also, when I see this video now, it just reminds me of my favorite episode of Northern Exposure, where they're waiting for the ice to break, and everyone is really horny, and Joel keeps having erotic dreams, and in one, he re-enacts this video.
29. Smashing Pumpkins - "Tonight, Tonight": I just had to go watch the clip, because I didn't even remember this video. I would have put both "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" and especially "1979" ahead of this one. It definitely should not be this high. Remember when Billy Corgan had hair, though?
28. Bob Dylan - "Subterranean Homesick Blues": Is this really a video? I mean, sure, everyone and their mother has ripped off the whole "flipping through cards with key words from the song on it" thing, so I guess it should be on here somewhere. But was it a video? I saw a Sprint commercial today with Sela Ward doing the card-flipping thing.
27. Weezer - "Buddy Holly": This song was my first exposure to Weezer (hey, I'm slow) and this video is genius. Genius! You have to remember that this was before The Brady Bunch Movie and Charlie's Angels and all that retro crap. People were still into the '60s, not the '70s. Spike Jonze is a genius.
26. TLC -"Waterfalls": I guess this made it for the water effect. Which was pretty cool at the time. I remember my friend Eric and I were trying to do the dance moves they do during the chorus. We did the same thing with the "Men In Black" video. I am a nerd.
25. Dire Straits - "Money for Nothing": Sure. Innovative. Memorable. Mark Knopfler was using the word "faggot" to ironic effect while Eminem was still watching Sesame Street.
24. Van Halen - "Jump": I love everything about this video. From the opening "strip of film" effect to Diamond Dave's weird jumps and sword dancing during the keyboard break, to Eddie's little smile. Remember when MTV had that contest to go on tour with Van Halen? Remember Michael Anthony's Jack Daniels bass? I know Van Halen purists (and yes, they exist) will laugh at this, but I daresay this video represents the pinnacle of Van Halen. Hey, speaking of which -- shouldn't "Right Now" be on this countdown somewhere? I'm not saying it was a great song, but it was an innovative and memorable video.
23. Aerosmith - "Crazy": See, this should be "Cryin'" and not "Crazy". I was so nuts about "Cryin'" in the summer of 1993 that I actually bought the cassingle. How sad is that? Anyway, it always bugged me that Alicia Silverstone clearly did not have a harness on when she jumped from the bridge. Oh, but I'm supposed to be talking about "Crazy". It creeped me out that Liv Tyler was stripping while her dad sang. The whole mimicking her dad part was kind of cool. But I'm not a big Liv Tyler fan. This video should not be this high on the list.
22. Korn - "Freak on a Leash": Yeah, that bullet thing was cool. Can we get over it now? I'm so sick of hearing about this video.
21. Michael Jackson - "Beat It": Yes. Oh, yes. I think I knew everything about this video. Like that the guy in the white jacket was the choreographer. And Michael steps on another guy's foot at one point. And that Michael met Valerie Bertinelli and she got Eddie to do the solo. Who didn't want that red leather jacket? Come on. You did. For like a minute, you did. When I was in sixth grade, and a cheerleader, we did our pom-pom routine to this song. I thought I was the fucking coolest. I totally was.
20. Foo Fighters - "Learn to Fly": Look, I love the Foo Fighters, but does this really deserve to be #20? It's funny. I get it. The band members dress up like all the people. Eddie Murphy did that too, in more than one of his movies. It's not that innovative. It's funny. It's a good song. It shouldn't be this high on the list.
19. R.E.M. - "Losing My Religion": Let me get this out of the way -- unfortunately, I cannot hear this song without thinking of Brenda Walsh from 90210 because of the episode where she found out about Dylan and Kelly and played this song incessantly. It ruined a great song for me. Damn it. Anyway, I remember the "look" of this video being really new and different when it came out. Plus, everyone was all amazed that Michael Stipe actually moved around. And sang the lyrics clearly. So I guess this was a big step for R.E.M., and for videos in general.
18. Alanis Morissette - "Ironic": Heh. I said yesterday that "Ironic" should be higher than "Thank U", and here it is. Unfortunately (or maybe that should be fortunately), I can't hear this song without seeing Donal Logue as the greasy cab driver singing, "It's like raai-ain on a rainy day!" Weird Al also did a parody of this video, so I guess any video that inspires at least two parodies deserves a high ranking.
17. Prince - "When Doves Cry": This is the one where Prince did that freaky split-screen thing at the end, which seemed very high-tech at the time. And the bathtub part. And the doves, of course. I used to be scared of Prince. Hey, I was like twelve years old when Purple Rain came out. What do you want? I got over it. I recognize now that this is a great song.
16. Beastie Boys - "Sabotage": I seriously would have had to boycott if this video wasn't on the countdown. You can always count on them for great videos, but I think this was their best. Plus, Spike Jonze. He should get a Video Vanguard award, if he hasn't already. I don't think he has -- I think they tend to give them to artists. Anyway, genius.
15. Queen - "Bohemian Rhapsody": Wha? Why is this #15? Maybe I'm just too young to get it. It was a bunch of faces. I don't know.
14. Jamiroquai - "Virtual Insanity": A guy walking on a treadmill wearing a Dr. Seuss hat does not equal the fourteenth best video of all time. Sorry.
13. Chris Isaak - "Wicked Game": I guess. If you want a Herb Ritts video, I would put "Love Will Never Do Without You" here. But maybe that's just because I'm more partial to Jagger than Helena Christiansen or however the hell you spell her name.
12. George Michael - "Freedom 90": Absolutely. This is a great video, even for me, who's not a big fan of the supermodels (see above). It's a great song, too. No, it is. Have you listened to it since like 1992? Give it a try. Great song.
11. Run-D.M.C./Aerosmith: "Walk This Way": There really is a noticeable absence of rap videos on this countdown, isn't there? Where is Snoop? Where is Public Enemy? Where is Run D.M.C with a video that's not part of Aerosmith's big comeback? Lame. Anyway, this video is not great, but I understand what they were getting at.
10. Herbie Hancock - "Rockit": So you might be like, "Huh?" but this video won like every award at the very first Video Music Awards in 1984, so it probably should be pretty high. Now it just looks like a bunch of robotic legs kicking along to some sythesizers, but back in the day, most videos were just basically taped live performances.
9. Michael/Janet Jackson - "Scream": Okay, despite my professed love for both Michael and Janet Jackson videos, this is way too high. Yes, the futuristic look was influential. But there's no way this should be in the top 10.
8. a-ha - "Take On Me": I see where they were going with the whole "first video to feature animation and live action together" thing, but was it really that influential? Did it inspire a rash of similar videos? See my comments re: Paula Abdul yesterday. Speaking of Paula Abdul, I can't believe that "Straight Up" didn't make the list. That was the one with Arsenio.
7. Madonna - "Justify My Love": Okay, remember yesterday when I said I wouldn't complain about any Madonna videos? I'm complaining about this one. I don't even think it should be on here, but if it is, it shouldn't be this high. It was controversial. It got banned. It's not a good video. I would rather see "Papa Don't Preach" or even "Open Your Heart" on the list instead of this one.
6. Pearl Jam - "Jeremy": I would actually put this video even higher. Especially considering it's Pearl Jam's only real non-performance video. And it was influential in terms of the look of videos of the era. And it's just a good video. Except when Eddie Vedder does that thing where he sings and looks up from beneath his eyebrows with the demonic smile and it scares me.
5. Guns N' Roses - "November Rain": Also known as, "When this video comes on, go make a snack and go to the bathroom and drive around the block to see what the neighbors are up to and stop at the convenience store for a soda and take the dog for a walk and check on your garden and come back in and talk to your mom for a minute and then remember something you need for school tomorrow and do your chemistry homework and call your best friend to find out if she thinks that cute guy likes you likes you or LIKES YOU likes you and write a note to the cute guy and then you come back and the video is STILL FUCKING ON and there's a symphony or some shit and what the hell happened to Guns 'N Roses anyway?" At least that's what I like to call it.
4. Nirvana - "Smells Like Teen Spirit": Everything that the above video is not. God, finally this video signified the end of the overwrought hair bands and the bad dance music. Isn't it time for another video like this to come along?
3. Peter Gabriel - "Sledgehammer": How did they choose between this and "Big Time"? Aren't they basically the same video? Except this one had the dancing chickens. So I guess that made it the winner.
2. Madonna - "Like a Prayer": Fine. I guess this was the top video because it combined a good song with a controversial video. Remember how Madonna had a Pepsi contract and then they cancelled it when this video came out because she kisses a black guy and there are burning crosses and shit? And then you think Madonna is going to fall out of her top?
1. Michael Jackson - "Thriller": I really can't argue with this. I remember they had a "Making Of" special on about this at like 11 PM or something and I begged my parents to let me stay up and watch it, and they did. This was before the days of VCRs. Do you think Michael was trying to tell us something with the "turning into a monster" part? And who can forget the dancing zombies? And the Vincent Price opening? This is just a cool video. Don't try to deny it. It is.
So that's it! I wish I could point out some videos that should be on here, and aren't, but all the ones I thought of, I mentioned throughout. I guess if this were my personal list, I would include more hair bands. Like where is Warrant? Or Poison? Hey, what about "Round and Round" by Ratt? That should definitely be on here, if only for the Milton Berle cameo. No Busta Rhymes? He's had some great, and influential, videos. No Puff Daddy? I notice that there weren't any boy bands, really. No Backstreet Boys. No N'Sync. I wouldn't have argued with the inclusion of "It's Gonna Be Me" where they were puppets and then jumped off the shelves, if it were like #82 or something. What about "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode? What about "My Perogative" by Bobby Brown? And I would have included more U2, like "Mysterious Ways" or "One" or the one where they're in Vegas and Bono is drunk and walking on cars and shit. "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails?
Okay, obviously a list like this is really difficult to compile. I couldn't have done it. And it's going to be subject to individual whims. I will stand by my assertion that there should have been more rap videos on there. Or any, really. Other than the Beastie Boys.
I was watching VH1's Top 100 Videos of All Time, and I realized that I have some strong opinions about videos. And where do I go to vent my strong opinions? Here. So here I am.
Before I start, though, I should say this. What makes a top video? Should it be influential? Memorable? Helpful in interpreting the meaning of the song? Fun or interesting to watch? Or some combination thereof? If I were actually making this list from scratch, I would have to like make an Excel spreadsheet and assign scores for each of those categories, and then weight them, and then calculate the results. That sounds like a lot of work. I think I'll just comment on the list that VH1 came up with on their own. They don't really give any information on how they came up with these. I bet it didn't involve an Excel spreadsheet though.
Here's the thing -- I'm probably going to end up telling a lot of personal stories about the videos. I didn't actually see this entire special (yet -- I'm sure VH1 will play it every hour on the hour, so I'll see it all eventually) and see the reasons why they gave for each video. One thing that did crack me up was that for the really important videos, they would have rock critics comment. For the more fluffy videos, it would be people like Carmen Electra. Heh.
100. Beastie Boys - "(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party)": Not a great video, but it was the breakthrough video for a group that went on to create some really, really great videos that I hope to see higher up on the list. What's up with all the parenthesis in the song title, though?
99. Metallica - "One": This was the one with the clips from that creepy movie -- I think it was called Johnny, Get Your Gun. I guess this would get points in the "memorable" category, because while I'm not a big Metallica fan, I definitely remember this video. And frankly, we're still so high on the list that I'll allow about anything at this point.
98. John Mellencamp - "Jack and Diane": Look, I like John Mellencamp. But I read somewhere that he's somehow related to the head of VH1 and that's why he's on there so much. Exhibit A. Just because a video got played a lot back in the '80s when there were about ten videos total doesn't mean that it's good. As a side note: Molly's husband Andy is a big John Cougar fan. (And he was still John Cougar when he made this video, so I don't know what's up with the retroactive name change.) Molly went to visit Andy while he was a student at Indiana University, and he drove her around and took her to all the places shown in this video. Sidenote #2: I know a woman who used to babysit John Mellencamp when he was a kid. She said he was a hellion and used to climb out his bedroom window when he was supposed to be taking a nap.
97. Bon Jovi - "It's My Life": Wha? Why? Remember when I said that I would allow anything at this point? Yeah, not this.
96. ZZ Top - "Legs": Sure. The red car, the long beards, the spinning guitars. You remember this one. It was Pretty Woman before Pretty Woman even existed. I remember being really jealous of the girl's post-makeover outfit -- it was like a two-tone sweatshirt top, a mini-skirt, ankle socks, and pumps. Aw, yeah.
95. Mariah Carey - "Honey": I have to admit; I'm not even sure what video this is. I think it's the one where she's escaping on jet-skis. If it's that one, okay.
94. U2 - "Where the Streets Have No Name": Yes! I love this video. Limp Bizkit tried to pull the whole "we want to put on a free concert but the cops won't let us" thing in one of their videos, but U2 did it first, and did it better.
93. USA for Africa - "We Are the World": Admit it. You know all the words to this song. We sang it in chorus one time. Can you imagine something like this now? Getting all those superstars together in one room? And remember how there was a sign that said, "Check your egos at the door"? I actually think this should be higher.
92. Creed - "With Arms Wide Open": Maybe I'm biased because I'm not a Creed fan, but I don't see anything memorable, influential, or interesting about this video. I found it to be a bland video from a bland band. You are, of course, entitled to your own opinion.
91. Blondie - "Rapture": Every Blondie video looks the same to me. Tight shots of Debbie Harry singing. The band playing along in some poorly lit studio. I really don't remember this video. Sorry.
90. Britney Spears - "…Baby One More Time": I would actually put this one a little higher in that it introduced Ms. Britney to the world. Plus, the whole schoolgirl uniform thing that the boys love. And the little pom-poms on her braids. I haven't paid much attention to videos in the past five years or so, but I know this video. I remember being happy when I saw it because it revived (for me, anyway) the fine art of choreography in videos. It wasn't just someone lip-synching their song -- there were backup dancers, the likes of which hadn't been seen since "Electric Youth".
89. Paula Abdul - "Opposites Attract": No, not the one with Arsenio Hall. The one with the cartoon cat. I don't know if this one counts as influential, because I'm not entirely sure if it spawned a host of artist/cartoon character duets. But it was kind of cool at the time. Shut up. It was.
88. INXS- "Need You Tonight/Mediate": Here was the coolest thing about this video. They didn't play the "Mediate" part every time. So you would watch the whole "Need You Tonight" part, which was pretty cool in itself, just praying that they would play "Mediate" too. Genius. Yeah, it was a ripoff of "Subterranean Homesick Blues", but what isn't really?
87. Salt 'n' Pepa/En Vogue - "Whatta Man": I guess this is supposed to be some sort of "girl power" thing. I liked this song at the time (except the "I think I wanna have your baby" part -- that always bugged me). I just don't know if the video qualifies as one of the greatest videos of all time. And if it does, I don't know if it qualifies as better than those already listed.
86. Culture Club - "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me": Culture Club, like Duran Duran, is one of those bands that are impossible for me to separate from their videos. Can you hear this song without thinking of Boy George? And remember how weird he seemed when this video came out? Like, he's a guy. But he dresses kind of like a girl. Hey, I'm from a small town. And remember his sidekick "Marilyn"? What was up with him? I remember my mom was a big fan of Culture Club. Which seems weird to me now.
85. Ricky Martin - "Livin' La Vida Loca": I guess this is a great video in the sense of "spawned the Summer 1999 Ricky Martin Craze". But it's not a great video in and of itself. And really, didn't his Grammy performance do more to spawn the craze?
84. Madonna - "Borderline": I know there will be a lot of Madonna videos on the countdown, but this might be my favorite. I loved the sassy hat she wore, and how she spray-painted on that guy's car, and then went and made out with her boyfriend on the roof. I still love this song.
83. Blind Melon - "No Rain": The fucking bee girl. Okay, I'll give it to them. This video is definitely memorable, and probably influential in terms of the super saturated colors and stuff. Without the video, I don't know if the song would have been THE song of like 1993. Or so. I might be off by a year.
82. Talking Heads - "Burning Down the House": I won't argue with any Talking Heads video being on here. Funny story about this song and video. When I was in sixth grade, I went to a slumber party. Where we watched Carrie. Which was totally inappropriate, and scared the crap out of me. So, the next night, I'm trying to sleep with all the lights on, and convince myself that Carrie wasn't in my closet, and this song came on the radio. I thought it was a sign from God that Carrie was going to burn my house down. I was an imaginative child.
81. Prince - "1999": Now that it's 2001, I don't hate this song as much as I did two years ago. Remember the guy with the red leather jacket and headband? And the keyboard player who dressed up like a doctor? Prince is fucking weird, man.
80. Dr. Dre - "Nothin' but a 'G' Thang": I have to say, I'm not very familiar with this video. I know the song, but I don't know the video. Pass.
79. The Buggles - "Video Killed the Radio Star": I would think this would be higher, given that it was the first video ever played on MTV, and thus the beginning of the MTV era. I guess they recognized that it's really not that great of a video.
78. Fatboy Slim - "Praise You": Ah, Spike Jonze. He so crazy.
77. Shania Twain - "That Don't Impress Me Much": I have no idea.
76. The Cars - "You Might Think": This video creeped me the fuck out. They were in Paulina's bathtub! And on her soap! And then Ric Ocasek was a fly or something. Creepy. At the time, it was cutting edge, though.
75. Bruce Springsteen - "Dancing in the Dark": This would not be on the list if it weren't for Courteney Cox. I mean, come on. It's just a Bruce concert video, basically. Nothing that interesting.
74. Lauryn Hill - "Doo Wop (That Thing)": Sure, this is a cool video. There's that whole split-screen thing going on. Do you notice I don't have much to say about the more recent videos? It's because I don't spend hours watching videos like I used to when I was 12.
73. Pat Benatar - "Love Is a Battlefield": "We are young! (You leave this house now...) Heartache to heartache we stand (and don't ever come back!) No promises, no demands (You hear me?) Both of us knowing...love is a battlefield." This was influential in the "girl runs away from home and becomes a prostitute and then leads a dance uprising against her pimp" genre. Plus, the hair! And the outfits!
72. Janet Jackson - "Love Will Never Do (Without You)": This was the video where everyone went, "Holy shit! Did Janet get lipo or what?" Suddenly, she was all hot. Before this video, everyone knew Janet as a good dancer, but not sexy, really. For this one, Janet shed the huge shoulder padded jackets and nuzzled Antonio Sabato, Jr. (who will always be Jagger to me). Sexy video.
71. Sir Mix-a-Lot - "Baby Got Back": I guess this was memorable. Not many videos have a giant ass in them. I'm sure there's a Creed joke there somewhere.
70. Devo- "Whip It": You know, as a kid, I didn't think this video was that weird. And then I saw it recently and went, "The fuck?" So bizarre that I can't really believe it made it on television.
69. Red Hot Chili Peppers- "Give It Away": Sometimes I think that if Weird Al parodied it, it automatically gets on the list. I guess this video was influential in terms of the look. And interesting. Can you tell I'm not a big fan on this video? I liked "Under the Bridge" better, mostly for the shirtless Anthony Kiedis running part.
68. Eurythmics - "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)": I know it doesn't seem like a big deal now, but when this video came out, people were like, "What is that? Is that a man? A woman? What's going on there, exactly?" Annie Lennox was kind of the female equivalent of Boy George.
67. Brian McKnight - "Back at One": I have no idea. I've never seen this video.
66. Alanis Morissette - "Thank U": And this is on here, why? Because Alanis was naked? Not her best song and not her best video. I would say that either "Ironic" or "You Oughtta Know" should be ahead of this one. Maybe they are! I haven't peeked ahead.
65. Talking Heads - "Once in a Lifetime": See above re: Talking Heads. If I'm not mistaken, this was the big suit video.
64. Faith No More - "Epic": This is a great song and a great video. Come on, you know it is. Faith No More were doing rap/rock fusion while Fred Durst was still in diapers. And the dying fish at the end? So cool.
63. Fiona Apple - "Criminal": This one gets an award in the kiddie porn category. This video makes me feel dirty. And not in a good way. I can see why it's on here (though I wouldn't put it this high), but it makes me feel dirty. Also, now, the song reminds me of Jerri from Survivor, which isn't helping.
62. Genesis - "Land of Confusion": Remember those fifteen minutes in like, 1985 when Genesis was cool? While "That's All" is a better song, this video had those puppets. Remember at the end when Ronald Reagan accidentally pressed the button? You know you do.
61. Madonna - "Like a Virgin": While this wasn't Madonna's first video, it was definitely her breakthrough video. I never got much out of it, since I don't like chicks that way. What was up with the lion?
60. Duran Duran - "Rio": I think this was the one with the scantily clad women, and water. Oh, that was every Duran Duran video? Right.
59. MC Hammer - "U Can’t Touch This": Similar to Paula Abdul, MC Hammer is one of those things I look back and can't believe was popular. Like, I had the pants and shit. And I knew every word to this song. This was really popular my senior year in high school. And then he followed it up with "2 Legit 2 Quit". Heh.
58. Guns N' Roses - "Welcome to the Jungle": Ah. Gather 'round and let me tell you about a time when Guns N' Roses was the coolest band in the world. When no self-respecting teen would go cruising around town without a tape of "Appetite for Destruction". When people would have huge debates at parties over whether "I Used To Love Her" was about Axl's dog or his girlfriend. Maybe it makes me a geek, but I still think this is a great fucking song.
57. Beck - "Loser": Someone's trying to win some indie cred with this one, because I don't even remember this video. And this came out when I was in college, when I had ample free time to spend hours watching videos.
56. Sinead O’Connor - "Nothing Compares 2 U": This video is like a three-minute close-up on Sinead's face. And yet just try not to watch it. I remember when it first came out, and two of my guy friends were watching it for the first time, and they both got choked up when she sheds that single tear near the end. That's a compelling video. Plus, it's a great song. I would put this higher, I think.
55. Billy Idol - "White Wedding": This wasn't the one with the zombies, right? Oh, it was the one with the hammer pounding spikes in time to the song. I used to get this one and "Jeopardy" by Greg Kihn confused because both deal with horrible weddings.
54. Madonna - "Material Girl": Sure. You aren't going to get many arguments with me on any Madonna video. Madonna is the video queen. I still kind of want the dress she wore in this video.
53. Don Henley - "Boys of Summer": I don't remember this video much. I'm thinking Don Henley driving a car. I'm thinking it's in black and white. I'm thinking he's wearing sunglasses. Maybe I'm confusing the lyrics of the song with the video. Maybe not.
52. Lenny Kravitz - "Are You Gonna Go My Way": This was THE song of the summer of 1993. I remember my friends and I driving to get ice cream, in two cars, and this song came on the radio, and we all cranked it and stuck our arms out the windows and thumped the roof of the car in time to the song. Good times. The video was pretty cool with that whole "Lenny Inside A Dome" kind of thing.
51. Van Halen - "Hot for Teacher": "Heard you missed me, I'm baaack. I brought my pencil. Give me something to write on, man." Super cool video. The mini-members of Van Halen. The Eddie guitar-solo-while-sliding-along-on-his-knees. The not very well choreographed dancing in front of the curtain. I think I would put this higher, too.
Ugh. Sorry for the delay in posting this, but I was trying to figure out whether to even post any more pictures. See, some asshole decided that it would be a good idea to steal some of the pictures I posted in my last entry and post them on an "Am I Hot Or Not" type site that I don't even want to mention lest it get more publicity. I don't even care that much that my pictures were posted there (and got really low ratings and mean comments) because that's part of having a public journal -- you take shots, some fair and some unfair. But this person didn't copy and paste the pictures -- this person just linked to my site, so every time someone viewed the pictures, they were served from my server. And I have to pay extra for bandwidth used above and beyond whatever my monthly minimum is. Which means it's going to cost me money. Anyway. I got the person banned from the site, and sent a "cease and desist" type e-mail, but the whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth and made me not want to post any more pictures, and to post the pictures I already have. But then I decided that if that's the worst thing that happens to me based on having this site, the good things very much outweigh the bad. And hopefully it won't cost me TOO much extra. But man. Some people really suck.
But anyway, enough about that. Click on any of these pictures to see a larger version. This first one is a shot of the first Borders store, the one in downtown Ann Arbor, Michigan. The mothership, if you will. It's actually not, because it's not the original store location. They moved a few times. Jim and I went up to the top of the parking garage atop our old office building and took this picture. I thought it turned out pretty cool, though. I spent a lot of money in that store, even with my employee discount.
This is Nickels Arcade. Not like the kind of arcade where you play video games. The architectural kind. Basically, it's an alley that's covered, I guess. Anyway, it's pretty with the glass and all. The first night we were there, we walked through, and there was a guy peeing against the wall. Nice. There are like shops and stuff in there. Jim used to go to the tobacco shop in there and buy his Drum, before they stopped selling it in the States. But there is a lot of litter on the ground.
So then we traveled to Toronto to stay with Tara and Dave for a few days. And we watched a lot of television. Which I loved. We also did some shopping. On the second day, we went to the Toronto Zoo. I'd been there years (and years) ago. Let me tell you -- if you are getting some sort of baby lust (which I'm not) but you don't feel like you are ready to have a kid, go to the zoo. There were so many screaming, annoying kids there. I don't hate the kids. I don't blame the kids -- they were just being kids. I just don't normally go places where there are hordes of screaming kids, all in one place, and strollers, and tired parents, and -- well, you get the picture. But the animals were cool. Except that we were promised naked mole rats, and there were no naked mole rats. Well, there were signs for the naked mole rats. And we walked around and around looking for them. But they were not there.
You all should know by now that I can't just take a normal picture. I always have to try to jazz it up somehow, which usually ends with me looking awful, as is the case with these two pictures. I look like a fire hydrant. I'm so short and stubby and wide. And I apologize for my unfortunate choice of footwear -- normally I would wear slides with those pants, but I knew we would be doing a lot of walking, and my slides don't work for that. So I opted for comfort over fashion. Anyway, Jim and I were supposed to be pretending to be crazy polar bears. Judge for yourself whether or not we succeeded.
Just don't steal my pictures and post them on another website.
Click on any picture in the entry to see a (much) bigger version.
I swear I won't talk about my cats much in this entry, and in fact, this will be the only paragraph about cats, but this picture kind of cracked me up. Lately I feel like I have too many damn cats. I'm always negotiating a truce between two or more. They all want to sit in the window at once. They all want to eat at once. They all want to be in the bed at once. This would be fine, except Grendel refuses to share. Plus, Roxy is the devil in that she constantly baits the other two. She thinks they're playing, but I don't know if the others agree. They seem to take it personally. And suddenly Mia is like Jan Brady -- the forgotten middle child. Good Lord, I need to get out more. Okay, I promised that I would shut up, and I am.
So, before I went on my trip, I decided to get my hair cut. And I wasn't kidding around -- I got about two inches taken off. Now it's almost all one length. Of course, I took this picture when my stylist had blown it out -- it doesn't look anything like this on a daily basis. But you have to record the moments while you can, right? I wish it looked like this every day, but I do not have the patience. Or the skill. I can get the front and sides to look halfway decent, but I can't do the back. I swear, I am the only person with this problem. I look at the backs of other peoples' heads, and all their hair goes the same way. Mine goes whatever the hell way it wants to, no matter how much styling product or how many big round metal-barreled brushes I use. So most days I just let it air dry.
Yeah, so I was gone for a week. Did you notice? Jim and I went out to Ann Arbor, and it felt spur of the moment, even though it really wasn't. We planned the trip and then kind of forgot about it, so suddenly our departure day was here and I was frantically doing laundry. So we left Saturday morning after dropping Roxy off at the vet for her big spaying operation. Our first stop was in Rochester. My grandmother is in the hospital -- she has leukemia and is undergoing chemotherapy. They weren't really sure what her prognosis would be (and still aren't) so I wanted to stop and see her in case the worst happened. Which it hasn't yet, and God willing, won't in the near future. Anyway. I was really nervous because I haven't seen my grandmother since Thanksgiving, and I was worried that she would look awful and I wouldn't be able to handle it. Plus, I hate hospitals. But when we got there, she was sitting up in bed, chatting on the phone to my grandfather. And she seemed really good! I hope our visit did her some good -- I tried to tell her funny stories about my cats and such. So then she needed to start the chemo, and we headed out. It's normally about seven hours from Syracuse to Ann Arbor, but the hospital side trip added about another two hours to the trip. It wouldn't have been that bad, but the last two hours are THE WORST! It's just flat, barren land. And I had been reading aloud to Jim because we don't have a tape deck in our car and there are NO radio stations to speak of out there, but by the end of the trip, my voice was shot. So the last two hours just sucked. The roads suck in Michigan. It's a nice state and all, but the highways blow. Finally -- FINALLY -- we arrived in Ann Arbor. The picture is of Jim, standing outside Eric's apartment. He's really not bald -- I don't know why it looks that way in the picture.
So, we hung out with Eric and reacquainted ourselves with Ann Arbor's fine cuisine. Eric is my dirty hippie friend (who I stupidly didn't take any pictures of) but he tells me that he burned his hippie card because he's no longer a vegetarian. He even made us some finger-lickin' good homemade fried chicken while we were there! I contributed non-instant mashed potatoes to the meal. We also went to a lot of restaurants. Eric lives about four doors down from Zingerman's, which is where he works, and also one of the finest delis in the world. Seriously. So Jim would walk down there in the morning and get coffee and pastries while I showered and such. It was really great. On Monday, we went to meet our friend Amy for lunch. Amy used to work at Borders in Syracuse with us, and then moved out to Ann Arbor and took a job at corporate only a few months after we did. She asked my friend Ella to have lunch with us too -- Ella and Jill are the only ones left of my former group, and Jill was on vacation, which was too bad. Well, not for her. For me. So this picture is Amy, me, and Ella in Ella's office. The lighting is terrible. We look green.
The rest of the pictures in the entry are going to be random shots of Ann Arbor. It was cool, but very weird to go back to Borders. Well, we didn't even go back -- they moved the offices a few months after we left, so we went to the new building. I didn't think I would really know anyone except for the people I was meeting. I mean, it's been three years. But we had lunch in the office cafeteria, and people just started coming out of the woodwork. I saw so many people I knew, and they all looked exactly the same to me. I even saw a couple of people that I trained, who have now moved up in the company, and they totally remembered me, even though they only saw me for four days, two years ago. That was weird. The whole thing was just incredibly surreal, but I did get all the good gossip from Amy and Ella, and that's the important thing. Without revealing too much, let's just say that the two VIPs that made my life miserable are "pursuing other opportunities outside the company." That made me happy to hear -- karma, baby!
Eric was an incredibly gracious host. He had surgery on his wrist shortly before we arrived, so he mustn't have been very comfortable. And then he let Jim and I take his bed while he slept on the loveseat. Then again, Eric can sleep anywhere, as he has proven time and time again. We rented The Mummy, and guess what? Eric fell asleep. His streak remains unbroken. I kid, Eric! I kid because I love! On our last day in Ann Arbor, Jim and I drove around and checked out our old 'hood. The only thing that seems to have changed about the town in three years is that Starbucks has invaded. And Arborland, the old junky mall, has become this upscale shopping plaza. But it still has the cool '60s "Big A" sign out front. Other than that, things looked mostly just as we left them. It was really cool to go back, since I didn't know if we ever would. I don't know if we will again, unless Eric stays there forever. But I'm glad that we got to see all of our old haunts one more time.
I took a LOT of pictures of Ann Arbor, but unless you've been there, they won't mean much to you. Maybe I'll use more in a future entry. But I wanted to include this one now. There's this alley right next door to the building we used to work in. It goes really far back -- I think all the way to the next block, and also behind most of the buildings on the block. Anyway, we called it the Smoking Alley, because that's where all the Borders people would go for a smoke break. It wasn't terrible, as alleys go, and it offered some protection from the elements. And it was close. But it also smelled a lot like urine most of the time, and it was gray and dingy. At some point in the last three years, the walls have been painted with murals and such. Big ones. And the ceiling was painted blue, with stars. And the ground was painted to look like a brick walkway, which totally fooled me. There are a lot of cool murals, but this one with the marauding band of card guys cracked me up. I told Jim to pose like one of them, and I think he did a good job. He's such a good sport -- I'm always making him do stupid things in my pictures, and he always does, even though he knows I'm going to put them up here. Wait until you see the pictures I took in the Toronto Zoo!
Oh yeah, we went to Toronto next. But that's going to have to wait for another entry.