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Grammy Predictions

I am the worst at award show predictions, and yet I still do them. It's inexplicable. Anyway, here are my predictions for the Grammys. I'm not doing all the categories, so go here for a full list of nominees if you are interested. Update: winners are now in red, with my commentary after each one. I was 4 for 8. Better than usual!

Album of the Year

  • Millennium, Backstreet Boys
  • Fly, Dixie Chicks
  • When I Look In Your Eyes, Diana Krall
  • Supernatural, Santana
  • Fan Mail, TLC

Diana better Krall back into the hole she popped out of to get this nomination! Just kidding. I've heard of her, but most people probably haven't. Who are we kidding. Santana has a lock on this one because it makes voters feel good to vote for them. If they voted for the Backstreet Boys, could they still respect themselves in the morning?

Hey, I got it right! Woo hoo!

Record of the Year

  • "I Want It That Way", Backstreet Boys
  • "Believe", Cher
  • "Livin' La Vida Loca", Ricky Martin
  • "Smooth", Santana
  • "No Scrubs", TLC

This award goes to the artist who performed the song, so I'm going to pick "Smooth" by Santana, since he probably had the most to do with creating the song out of all these nominees. Even though he doesn't sing it. And didn't write it. What kind of world are we living in where even Carlos Santana doesn't write his own songs?

Another one right! I guess you couldn't go wrong by picking Santana.

Song of the Year

  • "I Want It That Way", Backstreet Boys
  • "Livin' La Vida Loca", Ricky Martin
  • "Smooth", Santana
  • "Unpretty", TLC
  • You've Got A Way", Shania Twain

This award goes to the songwriter, so it's got to be "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys. If there is a more perfect pop song in the last five years, I don't know what it would be. Maybe "MmmBop"?

I got it wrong, but come on. You know I'm right.

Best New Artist

  • Christina Aguilera
  • Macy Gray
  • Kid Rock
  • Britney Spears
  • Susan Tedeschi

Also known as "The Kiss of Death". Hmm, which of these people would I most like to see disappear? I would like to say Christina Aguilera has the momentum, but Macy Gray will probably win because she is actually talented and has a lot of industry buzz. So she won't go anywhere. Macy Gray is to 1999 what Joan Osborne was to 1996.

People say that there was a big groan backstage when she won. Then she pointed out that she remembers watching Mariah Carey win when she was 7 or 8. Way to make Mariah sound old, Genie.

Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal

  • "I Want It That Way", Backstreet Boys
  • "Maria Maria", Santana
  • "Kiss Me", Sixpence None the Richer
  • "All Star", Smashmouth
  • "Unpretty", TLC

Geez, could the category be any more specific. What's next, "Best Pop Performance by A Group Consisting of Three People, With A Female Lead Singer, Who Are Really Christian Rock but Crossed Over, and Have Promised Not to Backslide Like That Hussy Amy Grant"? Oh, that means it must be Sixpence None the Richer. But I wish TLC would win.

I have never even heard this song. I think people just saw Santana and checked it off.

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance

  • "Genie in A Bottle", Christina Aguilera
  • "Beautiful Stranger", Madonna
  • "I Will Remember You", Sarah McLachlan
  • "Thank U", Alanis Morissette
  • "...Baby, One More Time", Britney Spears

Wasn't that Sarah McLachlan song a re-release? I thought it was from the Brothers McMullen soundtrack? Anyway, I think Britney will take this one.

Seriously, how is this song eligible? Am I missing something?

Best Male Pop Vocal Performance

  • "I Need To Know", Marc Anthony
  • "Mambo No. 5", Lou Bega
  • "Sogno", Andre Bocelli
  • "Livin' La Vida Loca", Ricky Martin
  • "Brand New Day", Sting

These songs all suck. Well, maybe not the Sting one. And I don't know the Andre Bocelli one. Is that pop really? Was it a remix or something? I thought he was an opera singer. I am so out of touch. I'm going with Ricky Martin.

Way to go, Sting! Rock on. I like Sting. He's friends with Lyle Lovett. I love Lyle Lovett.

Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals

  • "The Prayer", Andre Bocelli and Celine Dion
  • "When You Believe", Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey
  • "Music of My Heart", 'N Sync and Gloria Estefan
  • "Love of My Life", Santana and Dave Matthews
  • "Smooth", Santana and Rob Thomas

They were really reaching here. I guess there weren't a lot of duets this year, since there are two from Santana. Since the Grammys like to reward commercial success, I'll go with "Smooth". It's not a bad song, if only it wasn't so overplayed.

Hey, another one I got right! Wait, did you notice that the only ones I got right were where Santana won? I should have just picked Santana for every category. Best Female Pop Vocal Performance? Santana. Best Dance Song? Santana. If you want to see a full list of the winners for all categories, go here.

I'm not even going to do the Rock categories because this is way too long already. I want to say that I can't believe Black Sabbath is nominated for an award though. Maybe they'll pull a Jethro Tull (no offense Jim, I know they're your favorite band) and win. I think Whitney Houston will also win an award because I had a dream about her last night. She was running down the street wearing a black leather coat and spike-heeled black leather boots. What was that about? Enjoy the show!

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