1999 MTV Video Music Awards | |
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Welcome to my summary of the 1999 MTV Video Music Awards. First, in case you came in from elsewhere and haven't read parts of my site before, let me give you a sense of my perspective. I feel like I'm too old for MTV, but I watch it anyway. I have a weakness for cheesy pop music, and I freely admit it. And I watched the show with my boyfriend, Jim, so his comments will be in here as well. Actually, he didn't watch the whole thing, as he is disgusted by music today. So he went to the computer and made MP3s out of his Pearl Jam box set. So I tuned in to the show as the pre-show was drawing to a close and Blink 182 were performing their hit, "What's My Name Again?". I've seen the video, which features the group members streaking down the street, but I've never seen them perform live. They were terrible! As Jim said, "Their name should be 'Blink And You'll Miss Their 15 Minutes of Fame'". You'd think getting all this exposure, they would have tuned their guitars. I'm down with the punk ethic and all, but please. You're not the Ramones and this isn't CBGB's. And the guy singing backups was awful - he sounded like one of the Lollipop Kids in the Wizard of Oz. Next, the Backstreet Boys made their entrance. I will freely admit to loving the song "I Want It That Way" and feeling guilty about it. But I have this to say to the tall, dark-haired, blue-eyed BSB: Unless you're Liberace, men should not wear sequins. Ever. It's not helping your teenybopper fans, who are constantly forced to defend your heterosexuality, when you wear a sequined vest. In homage to the Joan Rivers specials on E!, we see a tape of Serena Altshul helping Britney Spears pick out her outfits for the show. I chose this opportunity to wander out to the kitchen in search of some chips, but suffice to say that the saleswoman in one store probably knows what "dancing" means, Britney. There was no need to demonstrate by busting out some Mouseketeer moves. Gavin Rossdale. Oh, dear. How far the mighty have fallen. As the show begins, and the announcer yells out the names of pretty much everyone in attendance, I have to wonder why Carson Daly was included, but none of MTV's other on-air personalities were. So Chris Rock is the host, and normally I like Chris Rock. He's usually funny AND thought provoking. But for some reason tonight, he is channeling Redd Foxx, and not in a good way. He is yelling at the top of his lungs, and putting on some affected, stereotypical African-American accent. I mean, he is black, but he doesn't usually talk like this. Some of his jokes are funny, but a lot of them are just annoying, and his delivery isn't helping. I appreciate a little deflation of some of the egos in attendance though.
Then Run DMC starts performing and I get all excited. They kick ass. Then they bring out Kid Rock, who I'm not crazy about, but he's OK. I wish he had done that Cowboy song instead though. I kind of dig that one. And suddenly out of nowhere, comes Aerosmith (or at least Steven Tyler and Joe Perry, and isn't that all that matters, really?)! And they all do "Walk This Way" together. Mmm, Joe Perry in leather. I"m sorry, where was I? I'm not made of stone, people. He is a fox. I don't care if he's 60 years old. The next award is for Best Group Video, and the presenters are Puff Daddy and Denise Richards. I don't think Denise has too much under the hood, and Puff Daddy needs to keep it in his pants. Anyway, the winner is TLC for "No Scrubs". I am in love with TLC. I wish I was a member of TLC. They are very gracious in their acceptance speech. Can we please establish that Tom Green is not funny? He's not. Jim asked me why Lara Croft was announcing the show. Hee hee. Next up, Best New Artist Video. The presenters are Charlotte
Church and Wyclef Jean. Charlotte Church, if you don't know, if a 13 year
old opera singer and international sensation. She sings a little opera,
but no one told her she should only sing like one phrase and not an entire
aria. So Wyclef interrupts her to promote his new single, available at
Best Buy, which is so cheesy it hurts. The winner is Eminem, for "My
Name Is...", and he looks truly shocked at winning. Regardless, he
could have spit out his gum. David Bowie strolls out to introduce Lauryn Hill's performance, and he looks like Garth Brook's new incarnation, Chris Gaines. I know everyone says they love Lauryn Hill, but at least she writes her own songs and can sing live without lip synching. I like her. Will Smith, however, I am over. Big Willie introduces Tupac's mom and Biggie's mom. I think they are going to introduce some sort of Stop the Violence coalition. Wouldn't that have been appropriate? Instead, they present the Best Rap Video award to Jay-Z for "Can I Get A...". You know, MTV scored both slain rappers' moms and that's the best they could do? Are awards shows required to discuss how the votes are tabulated? They must, because does anyone really care? And what happens if they don't - the International Awards Show Committee swoops in and shuts them down? Anyway, two wastes of carbon named Carson Daly and Pamela Anderson Lee take care of this task. Nice hat, Pam. The BSB are in the house. The new Backstreet Boys' song sucks. This is how they chose to follow up "I Want It That Way"? Or I should say, this is how their manager chose. I spent this segment pointing out to Jim which ones are in the band because they can sing and/or dance and which ones just look pretty for the little girls. | |
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The
first award is Best Dance Video, and the presenter is Janet Jackson.
Janet is not looking so great, but maybe it's just the dress. I'm wondering
if this award is supposed to be for Best Dancing in a Video, or Best Video
for a Dance Song. Because there isn't a lot of dancing in that Cher video.
It's mostly Cher's big head. Regardless, Ricky Martin wins for (what else)
"Livin' La Vida Loca", and he brought up his choreographer,
which was nice.